Breastfeeding Support Contacts - Local (Swindon) & National (UK).

I thought I would write a quick blog post aimed at new parents with the details of National and Local (to Swindon) Breastfeeding Support.

I believe that mothers need to be supported in breastfeeding, and in a lot of cases it is an uphill struggle to begin with, but by seeking support from trained knowledgable individuals I hope you can go on to have a wonderfully successful breastfeeding relationship with your child too.

National Support Telephone Helplines.

• National Breastfeeding Helpline:
  Tel 0300 100 0212

• National Childbirth Trust (NCT) Breastfeeding Line (Open 8.00am – 10.00pm):
  Tel 0300 330 0771

• La Leche League (24 hour helpline):
  Tel 0845 120 2918

• The Association of Breastfeeding Mothers (Open 9.30am – 10.30pm):
  Tel 0844 412 2949

• Breastfeeding Network (BfN) and Supporters Line (Open 9.30am – 9.30pm):
  Tel 0300 1000210

Local Support available in Swindon.

Swindon Breastmates is jointly run by mothers (peer supporters), breastfeeding counsellors, midwives, health visitors, nursery nurses and staff in Children’s centres all across Swindon and the surrounding villages.
It provides mothers with a place to meet others with babies at the same time as encouraging and sharing their breastfeeding experiences.  It is a well known fact that 'talking to other women who are breastfeeding or have breastfed can often be a great support. You can learn what to expect and what is and is not normal.’

Swindon Extended Breastfeeding Support is a new Facebook based group for Swindon mothers, who hope to meet up at least monthly in the near future.  It is a group aimed at mothers who are, or hope to breastfeed their children past 12 months.

Local Telephone Breastfeeding Support

• Community Midwives Office (Open 9.00am – 9.45am) For up to 28 days after birth Tel: 01793 604814 -17 or 605576 

• Community Midwife bleep holder (Available 8.30am-5.00pm) Tel: 01793 604020 (ask operator for community midwife bleep holder)

• Great Western Hospital Maternity bleep holder (24 hours) Tel: 01793 604020 (ask operator for maternity bleep holder) 

•  Health Visiting Team - SureStart Breastfeeding Support (9.00am – 4.30pm Monday to Friday) Tel: 01793 705091

Useful Breastfeeding Websites.

www.nct.org.uk

www.realbabymilk.org

www.abm.me.uk

www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk

www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly

www.realbabymilk.org/swindon

www.laleche.org.uk

www.biologicalnurturing.com

www.kellymom.com

http://www.nhs.uk/planners/breastfeeding/pages/breastfeeding.aspx

http://www.nhs.uk/start4life/pages/welcome-to-start4life.aspx

Dealing with Challenging Behaviour.

When our children are small babies, decision making is very simple.  It is responsive - you feed, you comfort, you meet your babies needs as quickly as you can.  Obviously it can take a while to work out what your baby wants, for a newborns communication skills are somewhat limited to small physical gestures and cues, followed by grizzling and crying.  I never found the early days too stressful in terms of meeting Stanley's needs and do not really remember seriously questioning my ability as a parent and whether the decisions I was making were the right ones.

As Stanley got older and started to communicate more effectively I have found myself questioning my parental decisions more and more.  I am sure this is a completely natural and normal step for any parent who is trying to make conscientious decisions for the family, but of course because we have chosen an 'alternative' route - with the bed-sharing and extended feeding, there has at times been an element of doubt in my mind when Stanley's actions and behaviour is the polar opposite of what 'Attached Parenting' is trying to create.

For the few of months I have found some of Stanley's behaviour quite challenging and it has tested my parenting, in terms of remaining calm and gentle.  I was thinking about whether it was possibly linked to the transition into his own room which remains a positive step with Stanley regularly sleeping 8 hour stretches before I join him (I think he is all 'big-bedded' out!) but I really do not believe it is related, for the transition into his own room has been so peaceful, and the behaviour started a few weeks before the move.

The challenging behaviour I have been struggling with has been 'hitting' and 'pushing' other children.  I was absolutely mortified.  This is not behaviour that Stanley has seen from friends or family, and to be honest not something I was prepared for at all.  Both my mother and mother-in-law said it was 'just a phase' (and it appears they were right!) but I was very worried, and of course the first thing you think is, 'is it because of my parenting'?

Stanley's behaviour in turn led me to have to deal with three things; Stanley doing this to other children, dealing with my own issues with why it would happen - when all I have done thus far should have prevented this (or so I naively thought!), and how best to deal with it.

The hitting and pushing mostly happened in play parks and soft play centres (in the summer holidays I should add!) where adrenaline appeared to be running quite high among all the children.  In all the situations there was an action before (but not necessarily an aggressive one) from another child which provoked Stanley to lash out.  I have concluded that in these situations with lots of other children, Stanley has little to no patience; which admittedly isn't ideal, but probably just part and parcel of being 36 months old.  So I made the decision to stop attending soft play for a few weeks until this phase has completely passed.  The way I found best to deal with the behaviour after seeing it was to stop Stanley playing and talk about why we should not hit and push - how it hurts other children, and ultimately at outdoor play parks completely remove him from the park.

Now this in itself caused me to have a small, but significant, crisis of confidence.  If you have read Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn, removing Stanley from the play park would be seen a punishment.  Kohn is anti punishment and rewards in young children, and the book makes a lot of sense and I would recommend it, but I was going against the advice of one of the books which I have sought advice from in the past.  However I am not going to follow advice from any book if it contradicts my maternal instinct - this is what I have followed from day one, and believe instinct to be a very important aspect of parenting.  Talking to Stanley and leaving a play park to me was the correct decision when he had upset a little girl.  There was no way in my mind I could let him run off and play again when she was still upset.  I do not believe that leaving the park means I do not love Stanley unconditionally.  But perhaps that is because I have read the book and told Stanley I loved him at the time, but it was the hitting that was the problem.  I do not believe we should ever tell our children that they are 'bad' or 'naughty' - it is not them, it is their behaviour.   Although I will admit I do have to remind myself of this, for it is very easy for these things to roll off the tongue without really thinking. 

So my little boy Stanley is not the saintly calm child 100% of the time, that I naively thought my parenting techniques would create.  But had I not been so gentle with him, not bed-shared and not extended breastfed him, I think life would be more difficult now.  I truly believe that these things have created a trust and bond between us, and without the strong attachment with me, his behaviour would be even more challenging and he would in all likelihood be less responsive to my 'post-pushing other children' talks.

I know Stanley, like any little boy his age, is going through a change - he is experimenting with life.  I feel ever so proud of him, he is learning all the time and just like everything else, the hitting and pushing other children is a learning curve that I hope have helped guide him through.