My little boys, big bed.

My little Stanley is nearly 3, it is just one week until his Birthday.  In his whole life we have not spent a night apart.  It has been perfect, and in my opinion, absolutely the best thing for both him and us.  He has had unlimited access to breast milk and cuddles, it has been excellent for bonding and I at the same time have been able to get a good nights sleep, without proper wake ups.  I am the biggest advocate for safe bed-sharing.

I had always planned for Stanley to have his own proper bedroom, and of course before he was born his 'nursery' was set up like any other babies' with a cot taking centre stage in the newly decorated room.  This was of course what society expects you to do when you have a baby, I had not opened my eye's to other options of where a baby sleeps.  I have my mother, father and husband to thank (as well as choosing to follow my own maternal instinct), for without their support I may not have fallen into bed-sharing quite so quickly and happily.  I will admit the cot did get some use; it became very good storage for clothes and nappies.  I will also add that Stanley never actually slept in his cot, well apart from one 20 minute afternoon nap!  It has dawned on me that I have a real dislike for cots, I think it's down to the bars.  I hate the thought of a baby behind these bars, and I fail to see how limbs do not get trapped in them on a regular basis.

I had it in the back of my mind for a while that we would get Stanley a proper 'big bed' of his own around his 3rd birthday.  Instinct lead me to believe that this would be a good time in terms of him having an understanding (and excitement) of having his own space and bed, as well as being aware that Mummy and Daddy were only a few metres away.  I feel acutely aware that newborns and small babies who wake up without their mum beside them do not realise where its mother is, and will automatically cry, assuming it has been abandoned.  This is just the nature of being a mammal with primal instincts.

So it happened that we found a bed that would be perfect for Stanleys room a few weeks ago, and we set it up with his own Toy Story bedding.  Stanley did not seem worried at all that he wouldn't be in the big bed with us, as we talked about falling asleep in his new bed.  Had he at any point been upset by the process we would have happily delayed it, for Stanley's well-being is of the utmost importance.

Stanley jumping on his own 'big bed' for the first time!

The first night Stanley fell asleep in his own bed was 20th August 2011.  He made no fuss about falling asleep that night and it was made quite clear that Mummy and Daddy were not far away and he was welcome in the big bed, that night, and every other night to follow.  And this remains to be true, I believe Chris & I will always have an 'open door policy' when it comes to our children (hopefully, one day, there will be more little Hamblings) in our big bed. 

So Stanley has gone to sleep in his bed for the last 11 nights.  We have led together on his bed, read some bedtime stories, and he has fallen asleep whilst having cuddles and breast milk.  He has woken up nightly (and interestingly later at night than he normally would have when he was in our bed).  I hear "mine Mummy" being called, and I take that as my call to go to his room to snuggle up next to him, feed him and drift back off to sleep.  I did initially intend to get out and go back to the big bed, but sleep comes all to easily; I blame those breastfeeding-sleepiness hormones!  What surprises me is that he calls for me, well calls "mine Mummy" (which I do find quite funny, I mean who else's Mummy does he expect to join him!?).  I imagined a sleepy little boy crawling into our bed, rather than a sleepy mummy heading to his bed to join him!

For any bed-sharers out there wondering when the best time to start the transition to a seperate bed would be, the answer has to be very simply when you are both ready.  Stanleys sleep/feed pattern has not altered much since he was 20 months old, when he went through a developmental leap of eating more during the day, and having longer stretches between feeds at night (apart from when teething).  This means in theory we could have bought him a bed and done this well over a year ago, physically he was possibly ready, but I believe emotionally both he and I were not ready for this shift.  This has been a time when following my maternal instinct has taken control and led the decision making process.

How did I feel the first few nights? In one word: Anxious.  It took me back to the very beginning when part of me would dread Stanley's next feed (we struggled establishing breastfeeding in the very early days).  I felt anxious that Stanley would be upset waking up to find me not there, I worried he would cry.  I am not surprised that Stanley sleeping seperately (at least for the beginning of the night) had this effect on me.  At night time for very close to 3 years I have never had to even think about how Stanley is, all I have had to do was open my eyes.  Obviously for me too this has been a big transition to and one that only now I am really adjusting to.  I have to say the nicest aspect of the process to me is that Stanley is not upset, he just calls for me, no tears.  Had there been any tears or upset I am 100% sure he would be back in our bed full-time and we would try again at a later date, when he is physically and emotionally ready.  It is early days but so far it has been a smooth, problem free transition, and I have found it definitely has it's benefits too!  One of the main reasons we decided to get Stanley his own bed was because we were disturbing him.  We are not particularly noisy when we get into bed, but hopping in and out of the en-suite, flushing the toilet, lights going on and off, and getting into bed was definitely making him stir prematurely from his slumber!  And I have to say I like the fact I can put my bedside light on without worrying and read my book before bed, I have missed that. 

I think that at the moment I am getting the best of both worlds; reading a good book before bed and middle of the night snuggles with my boy. 

Life is good; and as for the fate of the cot, well that is going on eBay, I think it is safe to say I will not be using one next time around either!

My little Stanley asleep in his own bed for the first time - 20th August 2011.