Last week it was difficult to get away from the endless coverage of the London riots (and latterly other UK cities). It shocked me to watch it, as I think it did most other people, and got me thinking about how these young people got to the point in their lives where this anti-social, destructive behaviour (to themselves and their community) is acceptable. The young people committing these crimes were once babies, and then young children; they were not destined to do this. I believe factors in their lives have shaped them, thus leading them up this path. There is no doubt that ultimately they had a choice, no-one was forcing them to loot, but I believe other factors led them to see this as an appropriate way to act; whether it be linked to their family and upbringing, or important factors such as education, poverty and inequality.
On August 4th this year (just a day or so before the first riots) the BBC news website published an article called 'Parents should follow five-step approach'. Chris Paterson who wrote the report states "the most important factor influencing a child's intellectual and social development was the quality of parenting and care they received." Whilst Ms Teather, the Childrens Minister states "Raising greater awareness of the importance of high quality parenting skills and building strong family relationships for children in the foundation years and beyond is invaluable." The 5-a day approach consists of reading with your child for 15 minutes, playing for 10 minutes, talking for 20 minutes with the TV turned off, giving you child a nutritious diet, and adopting a positive attitude towards your child, ie: praising them frequently. This is good if people take note of this who are not giving their children the attention the deserve, but it made me think how many people raise their children with a negative attitude, and giving their children such little attention - this will no doubt have quite an impact on that childs future. There is no doubt in my mind that the young people who took part in these riots were not generally from homes with a stable, positive home-life. I believe that this along with the effects of high unemployment rates, poverty and inequality among this social group have helped create a generation of disempowered individuals. I read a very interesting comment the other day, someone was wondering what the answers would be if they asked the youths involved with the riots what their best family memories were. I think we all know what their answers would be - few and far between.
So what has all this got to do with Nurturing Stanley? I started thinking about Attachment Parenting, which Stanley and I naturally fell into. I honestly believe that if the parents of the rioters had followed the basics of this there would have been much less likelihood of the outcome we saw last weekend. The aim of Attachment parenting is based upon the child forming strong 'secure attachments' with its primary caregivers. This is not a new theory by any means, Psychologist John Bowlby was the first attachment theorist, describing attachment as a "lasting psychological connectedness between human beings". Bowlby believed that the earliest bonds formed by children with their caregivers have a tremendous impact that continues throughout life. It is well known that a few of the long-term beneficial effects of having a secure attachment with your mother or primary caregiver include:-
On August 4th this year (just a day or so before the first riots) the BBC news website published an article called 'Parents should follow five-step approach'. Chris Paterson who wrote the report states "the most important factor influencing a child's intellectual and social development was the quality of parenting and care they received." Whilst Ms Teather, the Childrens Minister states "Raising greater awareness of the importance of high quality parenting skills and building strong family relationships for children in the foundation years and beyond is invaluable." The 5-a day approach consists of reading with your child for 15 minutes, playing for 10 minutes, talking for 20 minutes with the TV turned off, giving you child a nutritious diet, and adopting a positive attitude towards your child, ie: praising them frequently. This is good if people take note of this who are not giving their children the attention the deserve, but it made me think how many people raise their children with a negative attitude, and giving their children such little attention - this will no doubt have quite an impact on that childs future. There is no doubt in my mind that the young people who took part in these riots were not generally from homes with a stable, positive home-life. I believe that this along with the effects of high unemployment rates, poverty and inequality among this social group have helped create a generation of disempowered individuals. I read a very interesting comment the other day, someone was wondering what the answers would be if they asked the youths involved with the riots what their best family memories were. I think we all know what their answers would be - few and far between.
So what has all this got to do with Nurturing Stanley? I started thinking about Attachment Parenting, which Stanley and I naturally fell into. I honestly believe that if the parents of the rioters had followed the basics of this there would have been much less likelihood of the outcome we saw last weekend. The aim of Attachment parenting is based upon the child forming strong 'secure attachments' with its primary caregivers. This is not a new theory by any means, Psychologist John Bowlby was the first attachment theorist, describing attachment as a "lasting psychological connectedness between human beings". Bowlby believed that the earliest bonds formed by children with their caregivers have a tremendous impact that continues throughout life. It is well known that a few of the long-term beneficial effects of having a secure attachment with your mother or primary caregiver include:-
- Positive self image and high self esteem - the positivity from the way the parent sees and treats the child in turn becomes the way the child sees and treats themselves.
- Autonomy and Determination (with good problem solving skills) - having a 'secure base' develops creativity and mastery, leading to a 'I can do this attitude' whilst knowing he can return for help at anytime.
- Holding a positive view of themselves and others - having a secure attachment generally leads to perceiving the world as a non-threatening place and having a positive view of others.
- Strong relationships - the constant of having a caring affectionate mother paves the way to building and maintaining both long term friendships and intimate relationships - trust, intimacy and positive expectations are second nature.
- Good coping mechanisms - Having hope, a positive outlook on life and good self esteem, along with the ability to reach out for support help securely attached children deal more effectively with emotional challenges, stress and trauma.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, your comments are welcome as always.
xx
